MirrorOfTheSoul's Journal
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2 entries this month
I am so tired
23:50 Jun 26 2013
Times Read: 439
I am so tired,
My mind keep racing
I can't rest and my head
Keep on going and no stopping
I am tired, my heart is racing
every step that comes near me
Make me freeze and thinking
will I be ok or am I going insane
Am i becoming paranoid or is it real?
I am so tired
Need to rest well
I want to be happy
and carefree all again
Please my sweet friend
tell me what can I do
I want to lay my head
on someone but I got no
comfort and no rest
I am afraid to trust.
What can I do?
Who I can trust?
Can I trust you my sweet friend
or I have to trust no one and
be lonely again?
I am tired
so so tired.
Don't leave me alone
My mind is racing
My heart is beating too fast
but I am frozen and can't move
don't leave me alone.
Stay with me till I fall asleep
I am scared
13:42 Jun 24 2013
Times Read: 444
I am scared
I am scared to go out,
I am scared to move,
I am scared of every
Every shadows and steps.
There is a person
Who is nothing but Vile
A person I can't stand
A person who treats me
As nothing but his whore
When clearly I said
I am never going to be
Your property as long
As I live. I am a man
And you want a woman.
I will never be a woman
For nobody, yet he refuse
To respect it, to accept it
And try to force me to become
His whether I like it or not.
I also had to change the places
where I loved to go, but now
I must change places to others
That I hardly like, but I will bear it
As long as I am away from him
As long as I feel safe and sound.
All the lies I say about my self Identity
Is nothing but to protect myself from
People like him and ending up in trouble.
As long as I am safe I will do anything.
Even loosing my own face, reputation.
My life and health and happiness comes first.
But one day, on a Sunday afternoon
we happened to face each other coincidentally
But I avoided him, he continued to follow me
I felt his steps behind me and freaked me out
yet I continued to walk and made him think
I ignored him and showed him I am not scared
of him but in reality I am scared shitless.
Too bad he thinks he knows things about me
but in reality he will never will.
Because I am a person with 100 faces and profiles
Because I am a person with nothing but lies about
myself and Nobody can ever have that privilege
to know the real me. Why? Because all I care in this
world is to avoid to have people like him in my life
All I care is to protect myself even if I will end up
all alone against the whole world full of vile people.
I am scared
I am scared to go out
I am scared to blend with other people
I can never know who is good or bad
I am scared of the shadows and steps
behind me.
Call me paranoid if you want
But I know what I had been through
I know what I had gone through with
nasty people and nasty experiences
and I refuse to go through the same
4 years had been infernal for me
4 people were enough to drive me insane
4 people made me insecure of myself and scared
to blend with new people and make real friends
and giving my trust is absolutely out of question
I have no reason to forgive
I can't forget either. Its one of the reason
Why I had to be a realistic person.
I am a dreamer and also I am a fantasist
I love to escape in my world full of fantasy
where I can defeat the enemy, where there is
nothing but peace and fun and excitement,
little pain and disappointment but no vile people
who force me, hurt me and stalk me all the way
to drive me insane.
I am scared and I feel alone
I am scared and I am alone
But its ok. Because soon I will run
into my own world and there is nothing
but fun and peace and love.
That vile person can never reach me there.
C.J.Black
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COMMENTS
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NellMorgan
04:34 Jun 27 2013
Very emotive.